Closing The Gap: Codependency


Part 1

“The early stage of codependency begins by becoming attached to someone and ends with unhealthy dependency on him or her.

Codependents ignore their needs and depend upon others and frequently self-sacrifice to an unhealthy degree. They care for others in a way that leads to control, resentment, and conflict.

As adults, some codependents constantly feel inadequate, whereas others identify with their ideal self and think they have high self-esteem. Many become perfectionists to balance the self-hatred they feel inside. They may strive to be loving, good, beautiful, accomplished, or successful in an effort to prove their worth and/or to be independent and never again need anyone. Yet the more they try, the more depressed they become, because they’re abandoning the real self that wasn’t nurtured by their original caretakers. Some enter therapy because of an addiction or relationship problem, while others go to understand why they’re depressed even though everything in their life is working.

Childhood trauma conceal their real core self, which they can’t access. Codependents develop a persona in the world that reacts to others, to their own self-criticism, and to their imagined ideal of who they should be.

Love is not safe without boundaries. Codependents tolerate being treated without respect, because they lack self-worth. They don’t feel entitled to compliments, to be truly loved, or to set limits. They might do more than their share at work or in a relationship to earn acceptance, but they end up feeling unappreciated, used, or resentful.

Your boundaries are weak if you allow someone to blame, control, abuse, or take advantage of you.

People with weak or no boundaries feel vulnerable being alone and also being in close relationships where they loose themselves. They get into them quickly, have sex with strangers, and say “yes” when they want to say “no”. They trust anyone and reveal privacies to acquaintances.

Neurotic aggression

  • The need for power and domination of others, with contempt for weakness
  • The need to exploit and manipulate others, viewing them as objects to be used
  • The need for social recognition or prestige
  • The need for admiration of your ideal self
  • The need for personal achievement combined with resentment when others don’t recognize you.” – (excerpt) Codependency for Dummies

Spiritual Warfare

Series #3 Desire the sincere milk of the word

Advance: to move forward or to bring closer to the present; to help or hasten the success or completion of

Whenever Jesus was present the Kingdom of God was near.  If there were any sick in the midst they were healed of their disease or possessed of devils they were cast out.  “The kingdom of God (or heaven) carries the idea of God coming into the world to assert His power, glory and rights against Satan’s dominion and the present course of this world.  It is more than salvation or the church; it is God expressing Himself powerfully in all his works”. (Life in the Spirit Study Bible) While demonstrating his power through healing, the religious rulers of the synagogue resisted this move of God through traditions and religion.  And so this example of Advancing The Kingdom of God through resistance and persecution is left to us; this is the essence of spiritual warfare.  “But if I, by the Spirit of God, cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you” Matt 12:28 We already have the victory through Christ and this fact becomes our stance in a fallen world; a warring spirit to defeat Satan is unnecessary.   However, we will be accused day and night by Satan’ messengers and must maintain the victory through the blood of Jesus that cleanses; the problem is when we believe these accusations and accept them as our own thoughts. (Call on The Blood of Jesus! – it answers back) “And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.  And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” Rev 12:10-11


Human Traffic

Community Action


rich lavish silver and gold

the new Slave master of old

humans bought and sold

the biggest lie ever told

Let my people go

affecting every demographic

underground human traffic

immoral bondage genetic

down right pathetic

Let my people go

pimp captured a slave

whipped to behave

cry out loud – brave

a deliverer will save

Let my people go

come now this night

not by power or might

the blood will requite

escape death take flight

Let my people go

We don’t need another Hero

Like Moses told Pharaoh


The Journey to Wholeness (2)

The Kingdom of God

Series#1 Desire the sincere milk of the word

A kingdom is a realm that must be entered by consenting to the mode of operation. The Kingdom of God or the realm where God Reigns over all creation is spiritual (something you can’t see and touch) and must be entered or acquiesced by being born again.  “Jesus answered, Verily, verily I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of GodJohn 3:5.  In a dark and uncertain world it behooves us to seek the kingdom of God with all diligence.  In your circumstances the bible declares if we hunger and thirst for righteousness we shall be filled or bring God’s rule into the situation.  “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled” Mat 5: 6; disembodied spirits are loose and looking for a body to occupy.  The world is constantly beautifying itself with alluring enticements to keep you distracted that ultimately quench your thirst for the things of God.  With the increase of encountering the supernatural realm we must maintain a simple appetite for intimacy with God through prayer, worship and reading the word.  “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry (the practice of Free Love and the doctrines of affinity) and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.” 1Tim 4:1-3; bear in mind that a vegetable diet leaves the body more prone to spiritual forces (demonic influence) than a meat diet.  Alas, because Eve was deceived we are seeing a mass of female witches, warlocks and mediums in the end time.  “But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.” 2Cor11:3

R & R (Repose and Refine)

 Rooted and Grounded

In the journey to wholeness we cannot go forward without cultivating or refining precision.  By that I mean, sometimes there are cycles in our lives that are recurrent and require delve indulgence.  It is very possible to go well into successful adulthood without maturing, many times because of never being disciplined as a child; a child that never learned boundaries or was never told no grows up as an insidious adult.  Furthermore, a child that was never allowed to say no appropriately grows up a passive/promiscuous adult.  On the other hand, some children were burdened with being responsible for siblings in the absence of a parent or both; this is true in most broken homes.  If we’re not careful to look at our inappropriate behavior or responsive actions, bondage is inevitable.  This process can be very painful after years of lying dormant and is discovered many times after/during brokenness or chaos.  Take a little time and apply some introspection; the most frightening thing of all is facing your true self.  We must trust the mirror of what’s in front of us, mirrors don’t lie; that person that’s getting on our nerve or causing us heartache is essential to a next level breakthrough.

“Well” Satisfied

#Rooted and grounded

John 4: 1-30

If you have tasted that The Lord is gracious, then there should be an innate hunger and thirst for more of Him through reading/studying the word of God, prayer and worship.  The best response after encountering an invitation is displayed by the Samaritan women in the book of John.  It is in our everyday duties when we happen to meet a gentle Savoir sitting and waiting for us to show up. The story begins with Jesus resting by Jacobs well, weary from His journey.  We are told He needed to go through Samara which means this was a Divine detour.  She approaches the well and He asks the question, it was more of a command with an authoritative tone.  Give me a drink.  She replies: my version: “I know you know you’re a Jew asking a Samaritan woman to get you a drink and on top of that you from the other side of town”.  The story continues with Jesus being not at all offended nor does He abuse His power to rebuke her to shame with what He was about to reveal to her.  He simply draws her into an intimate conversation using the well and water as a natural illustration to expound the spiritual end.  During the conversation, He delivers an astounding truth about himself that offers her the satisfaction she has been yearning for; “whoever takes a drink of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life”.  It is with a continual hunger and thirst that we create a reservoir for our soul to inhabit, like a well. The story unfolds as Jesus in His Sovereignty tells her to go get her husband and bring him back with her.  At this point she admits in honesty that she has no husband.  In that moment, the reason He came to Samara was fulfilled.  She realizes He’s a Prophet after He tells her that she has had five husbands and is now living with a man that’s not her husband.  A discourse of action begins between them about their heritages on where they worship and knowing what they worship.  He mentions salvation comes from my people, The Jews, but then breaks the barrier with His next statement; (worship is not limited to a culture or geographical location).: “The True Worshipers will worship the Father in “spirit” and in truth: for The Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth”.  She knows from her forefathers of a coming Messiah who will one day settle everything, but she doesn’t know that she’s talking to Him. After He reveals Himself to her she leaves her water pot and immediately goes into the city and tells everyone to “come see a man; Christ, The Messiah


Photo by Gloria Humphrey, (Italy)


How Will I Know?

#Rooted and Grounded

The Call 


If you really want to know that Jesus loves you then it becomes personal at this point.  So allow me to give the initial invitation, this is also considered the knock at the door of your heart.  Remember the heart is the center of our being, it is where we make our decisions and store our feelings.  Also keep in mind, salvation is a gift of God’s grace and can only be received by responding in faith; there’s no need to work for it.  Now imagine a knock at the door to the place where you live, once you open the door and answer with a complete wholehearted yes, by grace He begins to operate within you.  “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” Rev 3:20 -.  “Jesus I am a sinner in need of a Savior, Come into my heart as Lord”.  If you got the yes right, there should be unspeakable joy from the inside that wants everybody to know.  You are delighted with Him because He is delighted with you. You feel lighter almost like you can fly.  You won’t desire to do the things you use to do.  That means even the heart of a murderer will loose the desire to kill or is remorseful for having killed.  Racist, sorcerers and witches will no longer seek to commit acts of hatred toward innocent people.  You’re gonna have a lot of questions so you need to read your Bible, not only for answers but to get better acquainted with the person of Jesus Christ. Since you are a new born: “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” 1 Peter 2:2

How do you know you’re walking in Love

#Rooted and Grounded in Love

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited(arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude(unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love(God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it(it pays no attention to a suffered wrong). It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything(without weakening).Love never fails never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end

– (2 Cor.13:4-8a;Amp)

Bob Marley’ “How Do you know when you are really in love”

#Rooted and Grounded in Love

First of all you would not have to ask the question.  Love is knowing, it is not a condition or state of mind.  When you are loving, you are not doubting, judging or fearing;  you are in a state of acceptance.  You accept yourself first, for who and what you are, and then the person you love, without question.  You do not want to fix him, change him, control him or help him.  You want for the person you love exactly what she wants for herself.  When you are in love, you feel vulnerable and know that it is okay.  You do not hide your feelings, change them to fix what you think the other person wants, and you do not question what you feel.  When you are in Love, you give, expecting nothing in return, not even love.  Love is an inner process between you and yourself that you want to share with someone, everyone. Love is free.  If your quest is to own, control, hold on to, protect, or take care of someone, they cannot be free and you are not in love. Love is never wrong, seldom right.  It just is.

-Bob Marley