Awareness
Part 1
“The early stage of codependency begins by becoming attached to someone and ends with unhealthy dependency on him or her.
Codependents ignore their needs and depend upon others and frequently self-sacrifice to an unhealthy degree. They care for others in a way that leads to control, resentment, and conflict.
As adults, some codependents constantly feel inadequate, whereas others identify with their ideal self and think they have high self-esteem. Many become perfectionists to balance the self-hatred they feel inside. They may strive to be loving, good, beautiful, accomplished, or successful in an effort to prove their worth and/or to be independent and never again need anyone. Yet the more they try, the more depressed they become, because they’re abandoning the real self that wasn’t nurtured by their original caretakers. Some enter therapy because of an addiction or relationship problem, while others go to understand why they’re depressed even though everything in their life is working.
Childhood trauma conceal their real core self, which they can’t access. Codependents develop a persona in the world that reacts to others, to their own self-criticism, and to their imagined ideal of who they should be.
Love is not safe without boundaries. Codependents tolerate being treated without respect, because they lack self-worth. They don’t feel entitled to compliments, to be truly loved, or to set limits. They might do more than their share at work or in a relationship to earn acceptance, but they end up feeling unappreciated, used, or resentful.
Your boundaries are weak if you allow someone to blame, control, abuse, or take advantage of you.
People with weak or no boundaries feel vulnerable being alone and also being in close relationships where they loose themselves. They get into them quickly, have sex with strangers, and say “yes” when they want to say “no”. They trust anyone and reveal privacies to acquaintances.
Neurotic aggression
- The need for power and domination of others, with contempt for weakness
- The need to exploit and manipulate others, viewing them as objects to be used
- The need for social recognition or prestige
- The need for admiration of your ideal self
- The need for personal achievement combined with resentment when others don’t recognize you.” – (excerpt) Codependency for Dummies